Thanks to everyone that made the 2nd Annual Chicken & Booze Classic a ringing success. We raised a bunch of money for the Autism Society of Greater Cincinnati. I'll get a website update finished ASAP. Anyone that hasn't turned in their disposable camera please contact. Anyone that has taken digiatal pictures, that wants to share them with the world, email them to me Dean@chickenandbooze.com
111 comments:
Booo
oooo
oooo
oooo
oooo
oze!
Poor me I'm allergic to jail air. I can't possibly spend another night here without my crackberry, tiny pet of the moment, and daily vodka enema.
Shut up, Paris!
Boozleboobs. Boezlboobe. Beetleboobs. Boozlejuice. Strawbooby Shortbooze. Jimmy 'Superbooze' Snuka. Cha Ka(translation: He who worships booze and boobs).
I was roused from sleep the previous evening by the auditory concussion supplied by lightning. I queried as to the distance between said electrical distubance and myself. I was reminded of a musical number dating back to the Kennedy administration. It amused me how the time between dusk and dawn progresses.
King Kong Boozdy. Sir Lawrence Olivabooze. George Washtaboob. Aboozebraham Lincoln. Hong Kong Boozey. Huey Boozes and the Boobs. Cluboozer Lang. The Boozestones-Fred and Firecrotch.
Get them boozers boozin'!
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't own a stove, toaster oven or a microwave... Because revenge is a dish that's best served cold.
Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.
Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
David Carradine can destroy Charlie Norris with one keystroke from yellowbook.com
sfnkeshf egatvcbsdfiuf <---This is because my hands are shaking. I must have boozing!
Boozing will commence soon enough. I myself will have a booze in my hand before the sun sets. And several after.
There's no place like booze.
There's no place like booze!
There's no place like booze!!
There's no place like booze!!!!
Stop cogitating Steinmetz and use an open face club, a sand wedge!
Ahhh, open-face club sandwich!!
Mommy, Mommy, Help me!
This is not fair!!!
Where o where shall booze be on the 21st of July?
Gelfling!!!!!!!!!
The prophecy shall be fulfilled!
Each day that passes I become more delusional.
Soon you will have a mighty hump!!!
All the grief in all the world is not enough to make me comfort you.
In thestillofthenightihearthewolfhowlhoneysniffinaroundyourdoor.
My hump, my hump. My lovely lady lumps.
I need lovin'.
Gelfling? Could that be from the one movie that is mandated to be viewed under the influence of hallucinatory substances, Dark Crystal? Oh what a twisted muppet show that was.
During the wee hours of the evening, comes the mourful cry of the species Lupus. I suspect this creature may be encroaching the entrance to your domicile. It is also during this time I experience my cardial muscle dropping to a lower cadence. This forbodes an increased feeling of desire.
Ben nen ne nen ne nen ne
bren ne nen ne nen ne ne
oh no!
The world is contiuing to lose its appreciation for cheap, somewhat palatable beer. The latest loss is Wiedemann. Or some say Wiedepops. How can we sit back and allow the extinction or outsourcing of our beers we were weaned from the teat with? I fondly remember my first real beer was Schlitz. Kicking at cans of Black Label and Hamms on the roadside. Making adornments with strung together pop tops. Never got to try the generic black and white "beer" all lower caps. PBR seems to have overcome this fading with some sort of hipster campaign a few years ago. But it is still farmed out of somewhere that is not Milwaukee. Must we all be subjected to McDonalds three flavors? Bud, Miller, Coors. and thats it! We need to Baskin Robbin this industry. I want at least thirty one flavors/brands of american style pilsner/lager. Give me a Lone Star in texas. A Dixie in NOLA. And a real Wiedemann in the Nati.
Hail Beer!
Long live Yuengling! We need to have nationwide distribution!
If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.
I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.
I'm gonna grow a beard. Why do you think Jesus Christ was so popular? Cause ... cause of all the magic tricks?
I wanna get in shape, get a 6-pack, get ripped. Ripped like Jesus Christ. He was in fantastic shape.
Dude, Where's My Booze?
The Center for Imbibable Beverages has announced the discovery of a new inebriatory drink. The improbable quaffing of hot dog water by a senior staffer produced a euphoric disconnect similar to alcohol. Research manager Fritz Yuenglhammier describe the events as follows, "My microwave was broken and I was considering grilling the dogs when I remembered my mother boiling these things when I was a kid. Well after eating the pack with my last creation Pickle Juice Frappe, I was overcome with sodium induced thirst. The still cooling hot dog water was the closest liquid availible. As my mentor at the center always told me 'drink that sheep face!' so I scooped some up and did just that. Only a short time later I began to feel the hazy warmth usually associated with my nightly liter of blackberry schnapps. I realized then the implications of my fortunate discovery." Not much is currently known of the interaction that transforms tap water to this new intoxicant by the addition of heat and processed tubes of meat by products. Research is ongoing at the center but has been plagued with setbacks of unsubstantiated boasting and comparisons of mass transit and socialism. When this reporter suggested volunteer test groups, he was met with half-lidded stares and invitations to HoDoville.
Me need booze. Me need boobies. Me need booty.
One month? until the next booze!
Let me just say the application of booze to nearly any equation brings elation. But the combo of buzzing summer heat and sweet cold booze is unmatched. That is until the next season in which a new respect for fall/booze, winter/booze will reveal its sodden head.
Whats new pussycat? Whoa-oh-oh-a-oh!
Makes me think of tight, sweaty polyester pants.
July 21st????
I, wanna rock and roll all night and party ev-a-ree day!
Yes, July 21st, and it is ladies choice. Not Sophies choice, last time she chose we wound up watching a chicken crap on a tic tac toe board. Damn fowl took my money!
Hmmm...maybe Downtown or Main Strasse? Somewhere we had fun last year. Not too much walking or driving...fun bars.
Im still in favor of a giant c&b themed float to ferry everyone to the bars. Driven by Mr Redlegs or whatever that baseball-headed goon at the Reds games is called.
Or Michael Dukakis could drive us in a tank. He's not doing anything these days.
Yes, a bus to drive our soggy asses around is a fab-o-lus idea!
Yet another tragedy in the ranks of professional wrasslin. This time a murder-suicide. When will these young punks realize the best way to excel at your craft is not artificial steroids or body enhancers but a good old fashioned pituitary tumor. RIP Andre. PS Andre once drank three hundred beers and an undetermined amount of liquor in one night. A true boozer.
Saturday is a blue moon. This occurs when there are two full moons in one month. Celebrate this rarity by mooning your high school dance while listening to the croonerific stylings of Sha Na Na. Oh and practice up for the hand jive dance off.
July! Booze! I am the very model of a modern major general. Steve Jobs is buying Saturn, not the car company but the planet. Not possible you say? Planets belong to everyone? Nonsense, with half a mil of five hundy$ Iphones sold this weekend be glad he is not buying uranus. Not the planet. He's got a bet with Billy Gates on who can collect the most.
Oh Booze Gods...please hear our prayers. If need be, we shall sacrifice a goat or lovely virgin to please you.
How bout this, hit a few bars in downtown Nati then travel across one of the pedestrian bridges and continue boozing in the KY. We can also sacrifice a gnu or jabberwocky on said bridge.
Word.
Can we sacrifice an emu? Or at least throw one on the BBQ?
Holler.
The possibility of July 21st boozin? So much could be celebrated on this glorious day! Infacto on said day in 1873 Jesse James robbed the first train in them thar hills inspiring us all to get booty any way we can. 100 years later in 1973, Bad Bad Leroy Brown hit #1 on the charts. Sadly Jim Croce died shortly afterwards. We must drink in rememberance of their greatness!
Damn skippy.
Did y'all know it is also the day Neil Armstrong walked on the moon?
Neil, on the moon, HA!, Neil and all the others walked on a outdoor sound stage in the American Southwest. It was all perpetrated to lift the spirits of Americans in the waning days of the Vietnam conflict. A parody/social commentary movie was made on this subject. Much like MASH was set in Korea but really meant to be Vietnam, the movie Capricorn One was the story of a fake Mars landing. It was clearly meant to mock the purported moon landing. And it is also some of OJ Simpsons earliest acting work. You know before he went all Stabby McTheglovedontfit.
"Stabby McTheglovedontfit"? That might be the funnies shit I've ever read!
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. –Benjamin Franklin
How bout four bars in the Nati(McFaddens,O'Malleys etc) then a casual stroll across the fetid Ohio and four more in the NKY(Barts,Southgate,etc)?? Or maybe just a starting bar and a increasingly drunken poll as to which watering hole to visit next? Wait, that sounds like it would descend into chaos quickly. Lets do it!
These ever increasing days of chaosity lead me to ever increasing throes of desperosity.
If the term sodomy in reference to the historically objectionable act of buggery is derived from the historical town of Sodom, then what is the negative act associated with the sister city of Gomorrah? Suggestions will be accepted until 14 July 2007.
Well, scoobity doo!
In a world without heroes,
it's like a world without sun,
you can't look up to anyone....
Booze, my hero, since 1986.
What are Ed and Shannon Booze doing? Are they coming to town for the next booze? Why can't Ray leave the side of his damsel to attend a booze outing? Why can't Rob show his mug at the blessed event? Why can't I get no tang around here? Does the apostrophe ever get tired of filling in for all these lazy letters that refuse to show up? What kind of trip is Geoffrey on when he posts his blog entries? What animal's name means 'river horse' in latin? Will VanHalen really tour with DLR?
The answer to these queries and the identity of Leaping Lanny Poffo to be revealed at the next C&B.
If you take leaves or corn husks and layer them with crushed peppercorns several times, roll these layers into a tight tube,soak tube in vinegar, secure this tube along the base of the penis, then proceed with your typical intercourse insertions(vaginal,anal,oral,sheeple). This is gomorrahy. Even the sickos in Sodom wouldn't go over there.
Gommorification (n.) The process of teabagging while waiting for the snowball to reach the chin.
And now to you this shall come,
a most putrifying pestilence.
More noxious than the serpent's breath, malevolently destined.
No one is safe - man, woman, child,
the heads of the dead are the banner!
The ancient city of Gomorrah was built upon a particularly marshy area. Therefore the ensuing city was criscrossed with small streams and ponds. This led to the prevalence of mold and mildew in the city. While a minor inconvenience to those who dwelled there, it was most offensive to the pious peoples of the time. This is the reason the city was lumped in with Sodom as a bastion of all things evil. Mold. Mildew. Otherwise it was a pleasant place to live with a strong, fair municipal government and abundant date trees. Look it up in Leviticus. Some of these people at the time even followed a shiny box around.
I can think of two that come to mind. One is gomery. Which is masturbating in public, especially after infuriating your boss or superior officer. The other is mobery or mopery, which is exposing yourself to a blind person.
Ed and Shannon Booze will be in Cincinnati on the 16th or 17th of July. We're hoping for a mass gathering with heavy boozing. See you soon!
I grow weaker by the day, having been denied the simple joy of boozehounding around the 'nati for nearly 3 months now. A lesser man would have thrown himself upon a jagged PBR bottle weeks ago. And although I try to supplement my cravings, not unlike a juiced Bill Romanowski, I know the difference. And sadly, so does the booze. For you see, the booze knows all of our inner secrets. The booze befriends our fears and seduces our insecurities. And when these human frailties let their guard down, booze drowns their overbearing asses in a sweet deluge of 90 proof omnipotence.
So, booze, I say to you, "Thank you for always being there, like a big brother, protecting me from bullies! You're the best!!!"
I treasure the pearls of wisdom found on this booze laden site. It provides a brief yet warm respite from the dearth of booze congresses. Thank you above poster, you are truly a booze after my own booze. Booze be with you. I booze therefore I booze. As-alem-a-booze.
Oh where, oh where has my little booze gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his liquor poured short and his beer poured long
Oh where, oh where can he be?
I take a whiskey drink
I take a chocolate drink
and when I have to pee
I use the kitchen sink
Acohol and nightswimming. It's a winning combination.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
Thinking ain't drinking
Ok, you have 6 liters of Blood and your blood is 80% Alcohol; how much alcohol do you have?
Lessee, if you have 80% you are first an alcobeast of the first order. One who no longer needs simple oxygen to survive. A person of this magnitude could breathe on Venus or Jupiter. Research in this matter is ongoing in the vast corn(get it, "corn", right?, wink wink)fields of Indiana the prison state. More on that later. Anyway, you would have 4.8 liters of life defying alcohol. Before any of you neophytes attempt such a feat, be forewarned it takes sacrifice, time, and a unwavering commitment to alcohol consumption to reach these levels. If you are a 'casual' drinker of five to seven drinks a night you may only reach the 66th order. If you persevere and consume sweet booze as your only sustenance you can achieve the 33rd order. An example is Nic Cages 'character' in Leaving Las Vegas. "But he died" you might cry. This is what the media wants you to believe. He simply achieved a higher order of existence. And he got to nail the babysitter.
Excellent use of proportions and algebraic intuition while calculating 4.8 liters. You are smarter than a fifth grader.
Next, I would like you to cut down the tallest tree in the forest with a herring. Then hump a porcupine. Report back here, post-haste, with your findings.
P.S. If you complete these tasks while saturated by 4.8 liters of alcohol, then you are truly the master of all you survey.
I am the one, orgasmatron,
the outstretched, grasping hand.
My image is of agony,
my servants rape the land.
Obsequious and arrogant,
clandestine and vain.
Two thousand years of agony,
of torture in my name.
I march before a martyred world,
an engine for the fight.
I speak of great heroic days,
of victory and might.
I rob you and I slaughter you,
your downfall is my gain.
I lead you to your destiny,
I lead you to your grave.
And all my promises are lies,
and all my love is hate,
I am the politician,
and I decide your fate!
Lemmy '86
Tis nearly August. Only one more month until the best excuse to drink fourteen beers on a Sunday starts. But what to do until then? Well I have an idea. This involves the one thing that has made all past ideas, groups, communities, fledgling governments, historic societies, as far as we know whole solar systems, friendly gatherings, mass demonstrations, backyard get togethers, one night stands, three weekend stands, bathroom humpty dances, entire marriages, soul withering divorces, and unexpected voyages into the dusty recesses of your own mind possible. That one thing is of course...booze.
I would smote all the sodomies in France for a ha' penny!
Like booray tuesday, c&b appears to have gone the way of the DoDo.
I shed a silent tear.
Gone....Done...Fin?
Like many relationships, familiarity breeds contempt. Have we become so accustomed to c&b that we now loathe the thought of it? I swear to buddha that if booze mentions the fact that I watch Sportscenter even though it is a 'repeat' I will throw a boiling pot of spagetti at its yammering head. Sure I can try to recall the warm drunken memories of my first days with c&b, marveling at the new joy of it all. But can those chemically faded memories replace the fact that c&b is wearing sweat pants a lot more recently? What is c&b trying to cover up? Dammit c&b don't make me put on that infernal Dolly Parton/Crack is Whackny Houston song! See you soon c&b.
I predict a booze trek on the horizon. Nostradamus came to me while I was awake, and therefore I must have been somewhat boozed since I was probably hallucinating, and he says to me, he says, "You mf'ers suck! I prognosticated your club, although I foresaw Chuck Norris as the instigator, and I had expected you mf'ers to go national and overtake and displace the democratic party in the bipartisan system. Now your complacency has doomed mankind to 2 years of watching Hilary Clinton showing off her cleavage. I can't believe how bad you mf'ers suck."
Then he asked if I wanted to play a round of rose-shambo and I couldn't get him to leave until he finished off all of my little debbie nutty bars.
So, consider this, if Nostradamus is this pissed, how do you think the founding fathers feel about all of the indifference put on display by this once proud organization? I'll tell you. They mutter the words mf'ers quite alot. Washington said if he had had the foresight to envision such a magnificent event, he would have included a booze crawl in the constitution.
Anyway, don't disappoint the dead presidets, and 'Damasus prediction could still come true!
The truth is out there
She's not the one you married,
Not the one who cared.
Maybe she's and evil twin
who's got you by the short hairs.
Can you live without it?
Can you be a man?
Can you tell her "take a walk,
and stick it up your can!!"
I hear your momma calling you
Lobo.
LOBO!!!!!
Bring back Sheriff LOBO!!!!
To all the girls I've loved before,
the ones who offered the back door.
I'm glad you came along
You look so good in your thong.
Our next meeting shan't be too long.
Where's monkey???
I think he's starring in a
"Glorious 40's" snuff film.
Submit applications for fluff girl position to Sir Monks-alot Productions.
It appears that DLR will reunite with Van Halen for some type of tour. Being a fan of the original lineup I say who gives a rats fart. Both DLR and Eddie are more dried up than my dogs shit in this 90 degree heat. DUS(dried up shit) probably has more talent left in its hair strewn lump than those two have left. Dave baked his brain on coke,pot, and whatever he could snort off the ever increasingly large and sagging asses of his groupies. Eddie will be lucky to play three chords with his liver spotted arthritic hands. That being said I'll see you at the show. If it ever comes to pass. It has probably already been cancelled.
I think they'll either die of cancer or have another be-otch fest before the tour ever begins.
Wolfgang on bass -- puh-lease!!
Get all 4 on board or scrap the plan. I want it all, not some near-facsimile-thereof.
Besides, can Roth really sing?
Could he ever sing?
Was it all just studio magic?
He made a career off of his machismo and somehow duped the general public by passing himself off as a vocalist.
Might be a government conspiracy, the likes of which has only been rivaled by the utility companies when they introduced even billing.
SCN
Sacrificing virginal goats since
not '04.
Sample lyrics from upcoming tour
Hot for Teacher:Where is my maid now?, I need some Ensure. I cant get laid nooo more I need Viagra!
interchorus banter: Gimme my hemmoroid pillow to sit on, man.
I brought my colostomy bag.
I dont feel senile.
Early Bird Special!
Geritol!
Gerito-ol-ol-ol!
Geritol!
Insulin pump!
Pump!
Insul-i-in pu-ump!
Boo! Hiss!
Give me somethin' to wipe with, man.
Did I eat that?
You remind me of a young Rory Calhoun.
Nowhere in the grammatical rule book does it say that a sentence cannot end with a preposition.
Also, an infintive can be split.
The lies started in grammar school.
How deep does this dastardly plot go?
I don't know who to believe anymore.
What about all those participants in the golf outing? Are their voices not being counted in the cry for more crawling? Did they all say 'we love the golf thingy but we sure did hate all those pub crawls'? I think not. There are many disjointed boozers out there. Reunification is needed! How bout Halloween booze? That was fun huh? Can you believe it was a year ago? A year?!? Lookit the pic just below this window, all those happy boozers. Such joyful faces. Is booze just going through a John Travolta phase where he just kinda dropped outta sight(not counting those talking dogbaby movies with fat Rebecca)? You're always welcome back booze, even if you may follow some strange religion. See you soon booze, you and all your boozy friends.
What a curious post, I think I'll click on it and infest my computer with a shitload of viruses and whatnot. May you be strapped to a cactus and gommorahhed.
I shan't believe its the ides of September? No C&B on the horizon tempting us with it's heathenry and booziness.
Lo, thee large pachyderm in the room. Tattooed across your leathery, tight ass is but one phrase....
"R.I.P. Chicken and Booze"
No more to say.
No more to do.
No more of no more.
Enveloped by the boozeless vacuum.
I can no longer bare the dredgery.
Resistance a moot point, when existence is futile.
Khannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!
I mean, Booooooooooooooooooooooze!!!!!!
Such a sad time in our lives. Chicken and Booze is no more. I'll go hang myself in a closet now.
Damn the Man.
This is great info to know.
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